Deal Breakers

     I recently watched a show...wait, that's a terrible way to start a post.  I'm not sure I would read something that started, "I recently watched a show."  That's almost as bad as, "I had this dream the other night..."  Those are statements that usually precede a story that sounds a lot like what I need to buy from grocery store, because that's what I think about during the story.  For the most part, I only care about what my husband dreams about because, then, I get an explanation for the rabid badger-esque movements and the grunts and snickering he does in his sleep.  One night, I got up to go to the restroom and he said, "You can't dance like that on NPR!"  I, of course, thought that it was the most charming thing I've ever heard.  Usually, though, he tries to get in a little work in his sleep because he explains the Memphis housing market or foreclosure counseling to me at 3 o'clock in the morning.  That's no joke. 

     Anyway, I did watch a show and you can just get over it. 

     It was some kind of reality something or other and these women were talking about deal breakers in relationships and what they won't put up with or stay in a relationship because of.  I started thinking about my own life, and couldn't really imagine that I have deal breakers.  Until Craig, I've essentially dated different versions of the same person all based on a boy I had an all consuming crush on at summer camp.  My relationship history is all guitars, bonfires, and bootleg Keller Williams cds.  One or two was nicer than the other one or two.  All smart.  Most full of it.  None were quite right for me in the end.  That's not a comment on anyone I was ever friends with or involved with, only that I got too good at the type.  I knew the all the right bands and thought all the right unconventional thoughts, and could talk about things I had no basis for with the best of them.  I've become much more of doer as I've gotten older and have a lot less interest in talking about how this thing or that ought to be.  Change what you can, but get over the rest.  I've become much more skeptical of this "type" as I've gotten older, too.  Now, I think it's ridiculous to rehash canned ideas and live your life for your favorite band's next show, unless you're twenty.  It's easy to not care about having nice things when you've never had to go without them. 

    Even though the door to that path has been permanently closed behind me, I am still drawn to people with some of those traits.  I love being around people who can think big.  Those things weren't deal breakers, I just outgrew the type.

    The deal breakers in my current life apply to would be friends, not relationships, but are just as strongly held.

• Bigotry is a no go.  Don't like it.  Don't think it's funny.  I have a hard time coming back from racial slurs, offensive gay comments, ignorant statements about the poor, etc., etc.  Someone is free to believe what they want to believe, but I will freely believe they are stupid in return.
• Fear of admitting when something is unclear.  It's a huge pet peeve of mine when people are too prideful to just ask a question or admit that they don't know something.  Silly, silly, silly.
• Stare at women like they're there to for the sole purpose of your viewing pleasure.  It makes my skin crawl.  Admiring an attractive woman is something no one could be offended by, but when it becomes gross and leering, I always want to throw my shoe at the offender and yell to the woman, "In case you're into trolls, there's one lurking in the corner trying to read your butt's mind with his laser eyes."
• I'm usually down for dirty joke and don't offend too easily with language, even though I try to keep it fairly clean myself, but there are a few words that immediately shift my opinion of someone.  Actually, there are a few words and a few combinations of said words, in particular.  I won't list them here, but hearing some of them instantly makes me turn into one or two of these phrases.
• Before someone makes a sweeping statement about my religion, I would prefer it if they do a little reading to make sure they are not, in fact, completely mistating doctrine, or taking something out of context.  I won't defend the Catholic Church on every front, but I definitely won't defend it to someone who's quoting stereotypes.
• The previous things listed are pretty serious.  This next one isn't, but is definitely a major impediment to my friendships/relationships.  Tardiness.  I don't think you're an ass if you're late, I just can't hang with you.  I have to work to not be early everywhere.  Craig and I will both sit, fully dressed, whenever we're leaving to go somewhere and tell ourselves that we have to wait another ten minutes to leave. 
• Being rude to wait staff and salespeople.  Unless someone does something outrageous, I'm deliberately nicer to these people than I would be to another stranger. I've worked retail and it was hard.  I know how someone can make you feel very small with one comment. 

 I guess that's about it.  I've never had rules like, my significant other has to be able to dance or my friends have to like the same things that I do.  I've never dated anyone under six feet tall, but I wouldn't say that was a requirement.  I can't reach anything so, although not required, height has always been much appreciated.  My mom always said that she hoped for me to find someone who was tall, dark, Catholic, which I have.  Craig is very different from my past relationships.  I think I knew he was the one when, while singing Boys II Men in a karaoke bar packed with old white men, he proceeded to start a slow clap FOR HIMSELF.  Later, he sang Sexual Healing to a woman no younger seventy, and I thought, that one is a keeper.  She did too, but I guess I won.