I Had It Coming

I've devoted several posts to Craig and the funny things he says and does because Craig says and does funny things, especially on accident.  Recently we were talking about a conversation we had a few years ago and he reminded me of my hypocrisy on this subject.  The truth is this--for all of the funny things that I've called him out on, namely butchering song lyrics and just generally being the youngest crotchety old man around, I'm definitely a pot calling the kettle black.  I know that I often speak (type?) in superlatives, so I'll try and tone it down.  Let's just say that I am one of the more literal people that I know.  I'm no Forrest Gump, obviously, but I can get a little lost in hyperbole and unfamiliar phrases.  I'll never forget this book that I read in third or fourth grade that was written from the perspective of a similar little girl who overhears her parents talking and misunderstands everything.  When they talk about navel oranges, she imagined a fleet of oranges with sailors and the whole bit.  I imagined a kindred spirit.

With that background, this might seem less stupid.  It might not. Meh.  Anyway, several years ago Craig made a remark about "not looking a gift horse in the mouth," and I casually agreed saying, "Yeah, 'cause he'll take your presents back." 

I know, huh?  It's all so clear to me now, but let me paint a picture for you.  I've heard that expression other times in my life and what I visualized was a horse bringing you presents in his mouth,  kind of a hand-less Santa.  It made sense to me that you weren't supposed to look him in the mouth, because that would be very rude to check out all your gifts before they've been given to you.  Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, lest he turn tail and take your presents to someone else.  How was I to know that it means something about how if someone gives you a horse, you shouldn't go checking out his specs, since he was a gift?  Who gives horses?  What are they looking for in there, the Carfax?

The fortunate things is, we got married and all is well.  I have not always been so lucky.  At twelve I asked my science teacher the genuine question of how big the tubes were for full term test tube babies and I lost points for being a smart alec.  She lost points for being a bummer, and became the scapegoat for why I have an English degree.