Friday, June 3, 2011

Captive's Log

Day 4,3452 in Captivity (unemployment)...give or take

I'm adapting well in my new surroundings. I've started to understand the natives. Admittedly, little brown dogs are only mediocre conversationalists. If you try and discuss anything more than the superficial, they zone out and start licking phantom boy parts long removed. Yesterday, he broke rank and we had a slight disagreement. He thought that he would help me clean by getting on the dining room table and licking my lunch plate. I disagreed. Other than these set backs, all seems to be well between myself and the other prisoner. As I don't have the occasional accident on the floor, I don't have to be put in solitary like he does when everyone leaves, but the threat is always there.

I seem to have some form of Stockholm syndrome, which I attribute to the attractiveness of my captor. He's very good to me and occasionally takes me out for yogurt. He seems to appreciate having a captive, as he no longer does any housework to speak of. Just yesterday, I baked a pie with a homemade crust and sweet tea. I knew the pie was good, but I was concerned that the tea was tad on the weak side. My kind captor said that, no, "It isn't bad. It just tastes like one of the those restaurants that has sweet tea, but they don't know how to make it." Apparently, a return to my previous formula would be appreciated. Noted.

It's true that I am enjoying my captivity, but I can't even convince myself that I'm benefiting at all from my college or law degree, but I will at some point. I think I'll wait until then to update the alumni information with these respective institutions, lest they report, Laura Locke, nee Britt, has become an amalgamation of her grandmothers. She recently received a prestigious library card, and has gone through an entire bottle of Fantastik.

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