Bar Blues

     Tonight I'm studying for the bar exam and obsessing over my percentage points, hoping to do well enough just to pass. Tonight Craig is working until nine o'clock (for a grand total of an 11 hour day) because he's taken a second job to support us while I study for the bar and obsess over my percentage points, hoping to do well enough just to pass. Repetitive--yes, but these are my thoughts for the next 59 days little while.  I'm grateful for all the people who've said they're sure I'll do fine.  I can only take a little comfort in that, though.  It's a hard test, harder than most others and smart people fail it all. the. time.  Granted, not so smart people also pass it.  The point is, there are people that work hard in law school and study just as hard for the bar and don't pass.
    Most of the time I've got a positive attitude and I believe in my ability to pass and blah blah blah, but this is my blog and I'll cry if I want to.  I hate that Craig is working more hours in a week than I can count without getting teary.  It's mostly today that's gotten me down.  I'm actually really proud of us both for working so hard.  I love how close we are because of all of this.  I feel sometimes like if you don't go through times like these in your marriage, you might be getting cheated because it's shown me how rock-solid we are. In fact, I think it's more normal than not to struggle at the outset.  BUT leaving aside all perspective and maturity, I will issue a preemptory warning apology:  if you talk to me about your fifteen vacations taken this year, or tell me that I just HAVE to try some new thing, or that we should make an impromptu plan for something that costs only $(insert whatever dollar amount) I may stick out my tongue at you.  I may even do a little wave under my chin to seal the deal.  I'm not mad at anyone and I am, in all seriousness, happy for anyone's success, I'm just feeling that childish at the moment.  In fact, I would love to see photos from your vacation and I do want to hear the pros and cons of a recent purchase and please, please, please allow me to take a rain check for the fun plans.  I plan on having some big fun when this is over and will be thrilled to receive the invite. Just not today (x 59).  I do, however, predict a swift and complete return to normalcy, relative though it may be.