Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Did anyone else ever read Cosmo?  If not, then it's probably for the best 'cause I'm convinced now that all women are either too old or too young to read it.  It's like daisy dukes, or hot pants, or short shorts, or is she serious about those right now, or whatever you call them. It's all the same.  There really is no appropriate age.  Or maybe there is, but it happened on some random Wednesday night years ago and I slept through it.  I went to bed too young for such trash, and woke too old for that nonsense.  What I do remember, from when I was too young, was that they had a section about things that were alright to do, which I guess meant that even though they weren't really cool, you could still do it and be okay with yourself.  For that month, anyway.  It was always stuff like, "It's okay to secretly hate your boyfriend's sister," or "It's okay if you drink out of the milk carton when no one's looking."  There were a lot of implied winks and giggles which, at the time, I thought were pret-ty clever.  It was the part I could read and think, yeah, I'm totally like that.  It helps that it was sandwiched by articles about how to contort yourself like a sexual Gumby (albeit, not through walls) and others about outfits that were equally cute at the office and at the club.  Well, considering I was all of fifteen and stumbling on each awkward bump of adolescence, I found the list the easiest to relate to----that, and the "What Color is Your Essence" quizzes that I would take until I got the result I wanted.  I'm a red, but so, so badly wanted to be a yellow.  Anyway, I was killing time at Walgreens recently and was poking through a Cosmo.  I was interested because they had this article on the cover about what foods men really like, and I had to see because my husband likes whatever I cook, because he's a genius.  Not so long story, and not so short, I never read that article, but I did stumble onto the "It's Ok" list.  It wasn't very memorable, but I thought I'd start my very own list of not cool things to do, but that I still find unabashedly acceptable. I hope it will be added onto. 

It's Ok.... say neat, in public, with zero irony.  Zero. find your way to someone's facebook album who you don't know and keep on looking at strangers. get emotionally invested in the Real Housewives of...everywhere. talk to your dog, and love him, and kiss the top of his teeny head. rehash conversations in your mind and think of all the snappy remarks you should've said. weep cry during Father of the Bride (I and II) and Steal Magnolias even though you could recite each. have doubted all those bra color facebook statuses. I bet, red sparkles.  You know it was nude cotton. make huge life decisions three minutes before falling asleep and then never think about them again. quit your diet everyday at three o'clock. sing in the car, not like nobody's listening, but like everyone is. have just a touch of hypochondria, or mono, or a heart condition, or an impending aneurism, whatever. feel like a teachers' table dork in new social situations. pick a wedgie if you've got one, the dance is so much worse. talk to yourself for a good bit before you realize it (at least I hope this is ok??) cry when you're mad. change your clothes, you hair, your mind, and your life plan over an hour. change it all back before your husband knows what's hit him. play a little dumb sometimes.  I'm looking at you Autozone. blog about your personal thoughts and self-indugences without too much embarassment : )

P.S.  I realize I've been, um, prolific this month in the frequency of my posts.  I would fully understand if you'd like to hide me on Facebook so as not to be inundated by my activity.  Just don't tell me.  What else am I supposed to do, study?


  1. Thanks for representing us late 20's, but act like old women girls!

  2. Lol I love it!!

    - Emily A.